So, welcome to phase II of the relationship loss grieving process. This is the part where you’re done crying and the tears are all dried up. You just wish you could smash his/her face to bits, or break something really important to your ex. At least that’s how I felt. It’s part of the reason I joined boxing to begin with. I’m a runner, but you can only run so many miles before it doesn’t get rid of that angry energy that can eat away at you! It’s just not healthy. This guy really did a number on me, even after the whole thing between us unfolded, he still wanted to hang out with me, cuddle and basically act like nothing ever changed. He was groveling to keep my friendship and vowed to do his best to be a better friend that I deserved, because he knew I was being too good of a friend to him and he didn’t deserve me (his words).
I just kept giving him chance after chance after chance, to do better, be a better friend, to be the person I deserved to have such a great friendship with. What happened? Excuse after excuse as to why he couldn’t hang out with me or why he wasn’t as chatty as he used to be. “I’m busy!”, “I’m not chatting to anyone else!” “Why does this have to be so weird!? I want us to be like we were!” Well, how about you do what you promised and step up to being a better friend! That was all in vain. I’m a sucker for giving people umpteen chances; I just can’t help it, I guess I’m a softie when it comes down to it. I finally had enough. I needed my angry music and STAT or I was going to explode! Let me preface that I am not a violent person. I don’t go around breaking things or destroying exes’ property, I just
fantasize think about doing it.
So what do I do to cope with the angry energy? Welp, like I said, I run long distance and I box a few times a week, which has done wonders on helping me get back into shape! But the BIG trick always returns to music! The music helps me angrily sing out my feelings and push them out of my system! I don’t need that anger and confusion to continue to build up inside of me. Plus, constantly talking about the situation with your friends eventually becomes draining and they don’t want to be your shoulder to cry on anymore. Blasting some angry tunes and punch dancing your feelings out as well and letting out a good shout just feels better! You may be in the Acceptance phase, but sometimes you WILL slip back into the Anger & Confusion phase and need to do some thrashing about. Trust me, I was just there on Monday. It feels better, don’t let these playlists go. They’ll always come in handy.
I submit to you my Anger & Confusion playlist on Spotify. I must warn you now, that there is a teensy bit of crossover amongst all of these lists, because sometimes a song cannot simply be categorized by one of these grievance phases. I PROMISE you that these help! My roommate may be sick of hearing the faint blare coming from my bedroom or the bathroom while I get ready in the morning, but they truly have helped me a lot. Use this phase to straighten out all of those things that s/he promised you in the past and put together a list of why it wouldn’t have worked out anyway, because if you’re even in the Melancholia Phase, chances are that it would have eventually soured anyway.
Here’s an example I’m happy to share with you. I had several people tell me at completely different times after I left the Anger & Confusion phase that I was too pretty for him. I was like “Whaaa? What are you talking about?” Apparently some people are intimidated simply by someone being to attractive and can’t deal with dating that person. Also, because I’m an outgoing, social person and have a strong personality, someone who was too weak or scared to just tell me that he liked someone else, really didn’t deserve to have anything to do with me. Also I was told I would have been settling if I ended up dating him. Think that doesn’t give you a confidence boost? Well, I definitely thought about this and realized that they were right! This guy was a coward and he wanted to be with someone that was easy to be with. He didn’t have to drink to feel comfortable and express himself around, didn’t have to do all of the talking, and could be told what to do.
I can easily say “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” but I digress. I’m getting carried away and should save some of these nuggets for next week, Breakup Song (Part 3 – Acceptance) Take these songs and give ’em a whirl, even just once and see how you feel after. It’s a mix of all things random as far as the type of anger and are in no particular order, but I believe these will help many of you. If I’ve missed a song that just NEEDS to be on the list, please feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below.
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